this feeling of familiar...

the spots &streets leading to spots

atmosphere &dust &nothin changes &i smile secretly

i know nothings changed.

i feel nothings changed.

i havent changed &i smile for comfort.

i havent changed &i smile at the illusion of change.

i have changed &it seems so apparent...

an air of escape? a brush with freedom?

hours under the familiar proving anxiety

minutes in solitude to breathe solitude

craved/yearned for solitude in comfort/familiarity &the guise of change...

the chance of random &peaceful unexpected interruptions

the venerated moments of accident...

the plannedfor &madefor manufactured &seemingly saddened

the brief &timed so discolored &already faded like photographs so desperately preserved in that underthebed shoebox...

im missing the missing.

craving the craving.

yearning for the yearningfor...

i have changed &it seems so apparent...

ive changed when nothings moved

ive changed when nothings changed &i grow dust myself

the expectation never met-

this does not change.

nothing changes &i smile at the illusion of change...

readymade

to dream ambitions portion &make nuance the goal...

we bear the weight of disillusion for generations sake &drowning in our discomfort...

or so it seems.

ready/willing &times the value.

shit- why not?

theatrics &readiness.

to conquer &overcome inadequate...

bright lights w/full pockets.

another fall...

sharing cigarettes &taketurn swigs

back against back sitting on our dirty ground

your hand feels good in my pocket

garbagecars- a deadly wind create

i the stranger

you the winter love

we get drunk

an underground loneliness to sink further away

from unfamiliar into the faces of

slowly faded soon colorless &forgotten

memories-

eyes to make a glance

hands to make a pass

the form craved no different- the scent the

touch familiar- a dissolve &reappear

as eyes close/open as reminder that

this is new- this is you &this new

ghost has a face-

eyes to make a glance

hands to make a pass

hearts to pulse blood

mouths to do what mouths do.

the custom concern

confuse yet unconcern

its rain &mexican &im newyork ok.

my love in evening roams off my arm

&into streets or undercovers or

bars to get drunk.

unconcerned.

though i yearn for cheeks red &lips

warm &soft words…

this wind &rain -to wait &dream

is fine to me.

ends &presents &beginnings existing &created &destroyed/laid to

rest at discretion

i am satisfied.

though unfulfilled- i am satisfied.